Harry Potter and the Evil Muffins
by prickly-cactus
Summary: Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione have to save the school again, but who from? Evil Muffins. They've taken over Hogwarts, and have taken everybody captive. Whatever shall they DO?


I suggest you read the following Authoress Note-

Okay people, this story is NOT to be taken seriously. Everyone WILL DEFINITELY be out of character, and this story has no visible plot REAL line that the authoresses can tell. If you can, then you're a genius and can just let us know in a nice long review. Howzat? It's just for people with good imaginations and love to laugh, so if you can't laugh, GET OUTTA HERE! Also, if you read it aloud it's twenty times as funny as reading it to yourself. Believe us. We've done it. And Marina fell over laughing several times, even though she was one of the authoresses. Yes, we're that crazy. ANYWAY, enjoy!

Warning- Do not drink milk before the reading of this story. It will squirt out of your nose and destroy your computer.

DISCLAIMER- No, we don't own Harry Potter. If we did, Voldemort would have won and the world would be a place of absolute chaos and destruction. See, that's why we DON'T own it. Plus, if we owned Harry Potter, it would look something like this story and Voldemort would be known forever as Em. (Don't ask)

Warning No. 2- We are not responsible for all side stitches or injuries acquired while reading this story. THANK YOU and GOODNIGHT!

Now for the story-

**Harry Potter and the Evil Muffins**

It was late at night when Harry Potter woke with a start to see Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, leaning over him with a half- empty bucket of water (the rest was on Harry's head). Dumbledore beckoned urgently. "Come along Harry. There is something urgent that I need to talk to you about. Put on your bathrobe and come with me."

Harry put on his pink fluffy bathrobe and matching slippers and followed Dumbledore downstairs and through the dark, empty corridors of the school to Dumbledore's office. They were stopped only once along the way by Peeves, who, seeing that Harry was already wet, dumped yet another bucket of water on Harry's head. Once they reached the office, Professor Dumbledore sat Harry down and brought out a cage covered with a red velvet cloth. There was something moving inside. Dumbledore looked apprehensive for a moment, and then said to Harry, "I must ask you to remain calm and not to scream. It might provoke it!" Then he whipped off the cover of the cage. Inside, sat a _muffin _(Scary music plays here).

Harry stared at it, and it stared back. The muffin had dark, beady little eyes and tiny little arms and legs. It also had a mouth with fangs, which at the moment was being used to scowl at Harry. Harry looked at Dumbledore, bewildered. The Headmaster was staring at the tiny muffin with an expression of pure terror. Harry cautiously opened the cage. The muffin sprang to life and started to attack Harry! Harry started screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" His scream was so loud and high pitched that the muffin burst into a million tiny pieces. Then Dumbledore started to explain exactly why he had brought him there and why he had been attacked by a muffin.

"There are muffins rampaging all around the school. They have kidnapped all the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs, and have started taking the Ravenclaws hostage as well. They were the results of an unfortunate kitchen accident set by Dobby. The house-elves have all been enslaved by the muffins as well, and Dobby has been tied up at the top of the kitchen ceiling. And, every time someone tries to go in there, the muffins currently occupying the kitchen attack them. It's really not very fun. So, that's why I called you here tonight. We need your help to round up the ten million muffins and, um, ok, you can go back to bed now. Sleep tight! Don't let the muffins bite!" Dumbledore then dropped his head down on his desk and immediately started to snore loudly.

Harry stood there dumbfounded, staring at Dumbledore. For one thing, he had never pictured Dumbledore snoring in front of people. The other, he had never pictured evil muffins, let alone evil muffins running amok in Hogwarts. It was all too weird for his brain to process. He then departed, heading towards the common room, where he was accosted by Ginny.

She stood there as he came in the portrait hole, staring at him. Harry didn't see her at first, so, he crashed right into her, getting fluffy pink bathrobe lint and evil muffin gunk all over her pajamas. Ginny screeched, and fell over.

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!?!? THESE ARE MY NEW PJ'S!!!! THEY HAVE LITTLE FLUFFY KITTIES ALL OVER THEM!!!!"

Harry looked at her for a moment, apparently thinking hard to come up with a good comeback. Finally, he scratched his head (which was covered in muffin saliva, as the muffin had tried to rip his head off first), and said, "Well, I guess they're even fluffier now. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go get a shower now. I think you better take one too." (Very bad comeback, if you ask me)

They both headed off in opposite directions, Harry headed towards the girls bathroom, and Ginny towards the boys. They were halfway there when they realized that they were heading in the wrong directions, and turned around, both blushing furiously.

Harry got to the boys bathroom and took off his pink fluffy bathrobe and matching slippers. Then he heard a shriek from the girls bathroom. Harry ignored it. Ginny probably got into a shower of freezing cold water or something. He turned on the water and got in. There was only one slight problem. No water came out. Instead, a thick, gooey, brown-and-tan mass flowed out onto the top of his head. He shrieked too. Some of the stuff got into his mouth. It tasted good! He let it flow over his face and straight into his mouth, where he ate his way through most of the shower.

When he got out, he found Ginny already in the common room. For some strange reason, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She had never looked more beautiful with her face and hands covered with a thin paste of muffin batter and her hair now not red, but tan from all of the batter it had absorbed. Harry walked up to her (not blinking yet. His eyes were getting _pretty_ sore), and said, "I think I love you. I want to kiss you." And with that, he planted a big sloppy one on her lips. Ginny slapped him. And stepped on his foot. And punched him in the stomach. Ouch. Poor Ginny must have been mortified due to Harry's muffin lips.

"OUCH!!!!!!!!" Harry yelled. "What was that for?" Ginny looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the world, which at that moment, he was. Then Ron and Hermione materialized out of nowhere, Ron falling on top of both Harry and Ginny and getting muffin mix all over himself.

"EW GROSS WHAT IS THIS STUFF!!!" he said in a very fast voice. "Hey, did you guys see the new sport everybody's playing? It's even more popular than Quidditch! It's this kind of weight lifting thing where everyone is chained together and lifting huge block of stone to make giant statues. I think that the game is that whoever can make the biggest statue of a duck wins!"

Harry and Ginny both gasped. Harry had just finished telling her about the evil muffin situation just then (all for the sake of plot), so they both knew about them by now. They rushed to the window to see just what was going on. What they did see appalled them.

All of the people at Hogwarts, including the students, teachers, and ghosts were shackled together by their ankles and lifting huge blocks of stone to build giant duck statues, supervised by twelve foot tall evil muffins carrying whips and squeegees. There were huge pits of fire scattered throughout the grounds, and the muffins were apparently throwing everyone who didn't work fast enough to the giant squid (who we are going to name JimBob), who was considerably fatter. At that moment, Draco Malfoy was being carried over to it, screaming something about how "My Father is going to hear about this!" in a Texas accent (no clue why).

Harry and Ron both cracked up. Hermione and Ginny looked at them reproachfully. Once the two boys spotted their expressions, they cracked up even more. So, Ginny did the only thing that would work at a time like this: she threw Hermione's Ancient Runes textbook at them. That shut them up immediately, seeing as they had both been knocked out by the 1000 page book.

Anyways, seconds after Hermione had congratulated Ginny for shutting Harry and Ron up, four muffins, approximately the size of Hagrid, burst into the common room, and charged past the four students. This was followed by a short episode involving crashes, screams, clanging, yells, and a nuclear explosion (just kidding, we had to add something there to make it an odd number of events). A minute or so later, two muffins came down the stairs with nets full of girls in their pj's, and a minute after that came two muffins carrying all the boys, who were still in their boxers. Just then Harry woke up to see his fellow housemates carried out of the portrait hole.

Harry got up, stood on top of the coffee table, puffed out his chest, and proclaimed, "We must help these poor innocent children!" This was closely followed by Harry tying on a pink fluffy towel cape and much flexing of his non-existent arm muscles. This scene was too much for Hermione and Ginny to handle (Ron was still unconscious), and they both burst out laughing. The two girls landed on the floor and pounded it with their fists, and then did the upside down turtle walk (otherwise known as the dead bug).

In the midst of all this, Harry still continued with his superhero act. Hermione, getting up from the floor, pointed her wand at Ron and gasped out an _"Ennervate!"_ between giggles. Ron woke up just in time to see Harry try to fly out of the common room window.

The remaining three watched Harry fall down the eight stories to the lake, with his towel 'cape' streaming up behind him. Then Ginny told them what he had looked like coming into the common room, and what he had told her. "Heeheehee...Poor Harry's having a really rough night!" Ron gasped.

Harry woke up drenched in water and squid slime. From what he could remember, he had fallen for no apparent reason and landed in the lake, where he was eaten by JimBob the squid. At the moment, he was in the squid's stomach, along with Draco Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Snape, Pansy Parkinson, and Colin Creevey.

Harry groaned. Just what he needed. To be in the stomach of a giant squid along with his least favorite people in the world. Suddenly another person appeared from the throat area. It was the authoress!!! The authoress said, "Never fear! For it is I, the Authoress! I shall save you! Because I can change the plot to however _you _like it!"

Draco Malfoy spoke up. "Does that mean that Potter can disappear off of the face of the earth if you write it?" The Author nodded. Malfoy gave a triumphant whoop. "YAY! Can you?"

"No." said the Authoress in a bored voice.

Malfoy looked like Christmas had been cancelled, and tears started rolling down his cheeks. "Can you at least make him severely injured?" He pouted, putting on an amazingly pitiful puppy-dog-face.

"NO NOW GO DIE!!!!" Malfoy dropped dead almost instantly. The Authoress looked horrified at what she had just done. "OOOPS. Oh well. It happens. I can make him come back if you want to."

The entire company inside the squid said "NO!!!!!!!!!!!" in unison.

The Authoress shrugged. "OK. If you say so. Well, do you want to get out of here or not?"

"YES!!!!!!" everyone screamed.

The Authoress clapped happily, and said to the squid's stomach, "BURP YOU GIANT THINGY!!!!!!!!" JimBob gave a loud belch that could be heard seven countries away, and everyone shot up and out, to where the muffins were.

Ron, Ginny, and Hermione watched as their best friend was swallowed by a giant sea monster with a funny name: JimBob (scary music plays here). Then they watched as another person dove in after him. Ten horrifying minutes later, they watched as a bunch of Slytherins, Colin Creevey, Harry, the same girl who dived in after Harry, and a dead Draco Malfoy spew out of the water and land on the shore. Ten tiny evil muffins surrounded them with squeegees, and rounded them up into a smaller pit, filled to waist height with water. The muffins the dropped a Polaris into the pit on top of Draco Malfoy's dead body. The Authoress did not look happy and started screaming at the muffins. Now the muffins dropped dead, and everyone in the pit clambered out while the Polaris sucked up Malfoy's body. The bag burst. The body went flying into the window of the Gryffindor Common Room, where Ron, Ginny, and Hermione stood, and slid down with his hands and cheek pressed against the glass. Ron watched this in horrified fascination, and remarked, "This game is getting a _little_ violent."

Hermione and Ginny stared at him and said, "No, Really? We never would have guessed."

Ron took a minute to figure out the meaning of what they had just said to him. Finally, he said, very slowly, "Was that sarcastic?"

Harry felt slimy. He grabbed one of the muffin's squeegees and started squeegeeing himself off with it. The others followed his example and did the same thing. The Authoress was already clean and sparkly. Then she gave a little wave, and disappeared in a flash of bright blue light. Harry rubbed his eyes and stared disbelievingly at the spot where she had disappeared. Didn't Hermione say that no one could Disapparate _or_ Apparate on the Hogwarts grounds? The Authoress' head appeared in front of his face. "Nobody can except me. I'm special!" Then, seeing the look on Harry's face, she relented, and clarified. "DUH!!!! I CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. I HAVE _WRITTEN_ IT, REMEMBER?????" Then she disappeared again.

Harry was soon distracted from the weird appearances of the crazy authoress, by a spear and another squeegee nearly missing his ear. The squeegee just brushed his ear, and just so happened to be the one he had used to de-slime himself with, so slime completely covered his ear. Ew.

Harry seized the spear that had flown past his ear and charged the muffins, but not without giving another superhero presentation and a war cry that thoroughly frightened his fellow classmates. They all fainted from his bad breath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry screeched at the top of his lungs (so much for stealth), and charged towards the nearest muffin, which was wielding a giant stick. The muffin turned, saw Harry running towards it, and waved its stick. PLOP! Harry turned into a hagfish. EW AGAIN!!!! MORE SLIME!!!!

Harry flopped and wiggled on the ground, gasping. POOF. The Authoress appeared again. This time, however, another person was with her. The First Authoress spoke. "You know, I'm not going to help you out of this one. You need to stay a hagfish for a while. We'll fetch you again for our next book." Harry looked pitiful- er... as pitiful as it is possible for a slime oozing, Creature of the Deep to look.

The other girl looked sad. "Em, come on. At least let him get into the water." She displayed a magnificent puppy-dog-face. The Authoress named Em sighed, waved her hand and said, "Fine, you do it Marina. _I'm _not touching that thing." Harry the Hagfish watched the argument for a while, but then passed out.

When he woke up, he was in a miniscule little fish tank the size of the smallest Harry Potter chapter book. That is extremely small for a six foot long hagfish. Ouch. There was a face peering at him through the glass. When Marina spoke, however, her voice was very distorted. "Hi. Sorry about this whole thing. If we had put you back in the lake, either the merpeople or JimBob would have eaten you. I don't think that that would be very pleasant." Harry attempted to nod. He failed miserably.

Ron, Ginny, and Hermione FINALLY decided to come downstairs. After about two and a half hours. Staring at Harry being tortured. Fun. Random Giant Rubber Band balls suddenly came careening down the stairs after them. "AAAAAACCCCCKKKK!!!!!" yelled Hermione. "What are these things?"

Ron stared at her in amazement. "B-b-b-but... d-d-don't you h-have a b-b-book that m-mentions giant evil r-rolling r-r-rubber b-band b-b-balls that c-come c-c-c-careening after y-you?" he stuttered. He had stopped running. Big mistake.

"RON YOU STUPID IDIOT GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Hermione, but it was too late. Ron had been squished into an amoeba. Also not pleasant. "ROOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Hermione screamed again. "I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled into the empty nothingness of where Ron had disappeared. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

she yelled hysterically, sinking to her knees, tears falling down her face. She was kneeling on the same spot as another person, however.

A small yell was all they heard. "Hermione!!! I'm down here! geroff me!" A small tinny voice was all that remained of poor amoeba Ron, who now had a nucleus for a brain. Not much difference there. Oh well. At least he's not a hagfish. Stuck in a minuscule tank. With slime his only company. At least there's no one who fits that description here.

Meanwhile, back where things aren't so melodramatic, Harry is having issues. Big issues. Well, technically, a small issue. He was stuck in a tiny tank and he was having issues breathing. Slime and compression were slowly suffocating him. The Authoress' apparently had no idea what hagfish were except for the fact that it's a long skinny grey eel-like fish that secretes very thick, poisonous, slime and has a funny name. (The name is the only reason we decided to turn anyone into anything!)

_**Anyways**_Harry is having issues. The Authoress named Marina kept a constant watch over Harry the Hagfish. He supposed the other girl was out causing havoc somewhere (Em- "He doesn't know how right he is!!!" this is said in an evil voice). A small, stuffed, fluffy duck with little black eyebrows came waddling in. Sorta. Harry and Marina stared at it.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COUGH COUGH COUGH CHOKE DIE!" came Em's voice from somewhere above them. "Billingsworth the duck has arrived! Now everybody has to gasp for this. I'm being paid, you know. My Aunt bribed me. Bribing usually works."

Malfoy's voice came ethereally from all around them. "Does that mean I can bribe you to kill Potter?"

Em looked up. "If you don't shut up in two seconds I'm going to bring you back as an ant and squish you!"

"Boo Hoo."

Ron was still an amoeba. At least the tearfulness of Hermione had passed. That must have been a disturbing sight to watch. We'll let your imaginations run wild as to what actually happened. If we explain it we'd be turning it from K to K rating. That wouldn't be good. Hermione was weeping into her handkerchief and Ginny was standing back looking thoroughly frightened. We don't blame her.

Billingsworth the duck was marching out of the room now, leaving a confused Harry, bewildered Marina, and now-with-more-money, Em. Harry was glaring at the duck's retreating back for some strange reason, and suddenly Hagrid came in on the back of Norbert the dragon. Hagrid got off of the dragon's back, and took out a big can of Red Bull (every story needs an advertisement!). Norbert saw the can and started snorting happily and roaring. Hagrid came to the front of Norbert and poured the entire can down Norbert's throat. Norbert got hyper. Uh-Oh. In a matter of seconds the entire room was ablaze.

Harry watched in terror as everyone ran out of the room, leaving little- er... BIG Harry behind. Then a tidal wave swept through the room, extinguishing all of the fires. On top of that wave was Billingsworth the duck, on top of a surfboard hanging-ten. Harry gaped at the little stuffed toy duck. In a poof of smoke, Billingsworth disappeared forever...maybe. The tank holding Harry exploded from the excretion of all that sticky, slimy, gross, nasty, disgusting, gelatinous, filthy slime. Harry swirled around on the floor. The Polaris suddenly burst through the widow to clean up the mountainload of slime, and accidentally took Harry along for the slimy ride.

Harry did not feel well. Being drowned in your own slime would do that to you. Anyways, the Polaris was zooming along the corridors looking for more messes to clean up. Then the Giant Rubber- Band balls made a re-appearance. The Polaris swerved, and narrowly avoided getting flattened. The giant Rubber-Band ball bounced out through the window and into the lake, where it knocked out JimBob the squid and caused general mayhem/pandemonium. When it finally bounced out of the school grounds, twelve duck statues, three gargoyles, and 430 students were nursing injuries of every possible thing.

Harry was nauseous. The Polaris seemed to be a thrill seeker and had attached a cord around itself somehow, and had been bungee jumping off of the Astronomy Tower for the last hour. Okay. Back to the other three.

Ron was _**STILL**_ an amoeba. Hermione was wailing again, and Ginny was still standing there with a very scared expression. Then, there were very large vibrations. Something was coming. Coming around the corner were hordes upon hordes of Little Black Ants in Viking outfits (duh duh duh!) and weapons! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Ginny over the wails of Hermione. Unbeknownst to them, the Ants were already on top of Ron and had taken him prisoner (don't ask us why- it's just an extremely weird story and it's all for the sake of plot (what plot?)).

Ron was taken to the staff room and was being called lots of very nasty names by the Ant leader, whose name was Gertrude. Ron was crying. He had been called some mean stuff in his lifetime, but nothing like this- dunderbrain, pig face, redhead, silly little creature, amoeba, and, last but not least, RONALD. The last one got to him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'll talk! I'll talk! Just no more names!" he sobbed. "WAAAAAAH!!!!" Marina suddenly appeared in a poof of green smoke- nice green, not that sickly, evil green that you see in the witch movies.

"It's OKAY Ron!" she yelled. "YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT SO SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! Er... actually, yes you are, but shut up anyways." she added as an afterthought. (awww... poor Ron...he actually has it worse off than Harry, who was stuck in a bungee-jumping Polaris as a hagfish!) Then Marina rounded on Gertrude and said to him, "Buzz off you, or you will have to face my herd of giant cute giraffes with bowties!" Gertrude ran off screaming. He hated bowties.

"Ron- you have to stop being an amoeba. It's bad for your health. So, BE HUMAN AGAIN!!!!!!!" Ron gave a soft popping noise and became human again.

Ron had just become his usual redheaded self again when Voldemort came bursting in through the giant entrance hall doors. He was riding a butterfly, wearing a giant pink and yellow striped sombrero, and carrying his beloved pet flobberworm, Travis. He stopped and stared at them when he came in and said, "Is this Mexico?" Ron and Marina shook their heads. "Oh. Okay then. Goodbye." And he turned around his butterfly and soared out of the room.

Harry was still bungee jumping. He was very uncomfortable. And nauseous. Can't forget nauseous. The bag burst again at the same time that the rope broke. Harry and Polaris tumbled down to their DOOM... just kidding. They just fell in the lake, again. And, again, the muffins captured them and threatened them with squeegees. You can imagine Harry's happiness when Em showed up again. (there are a lot of 'agains' in this paragraph, aren't there?) "Harry, become human again. You're really starting to bug me." she said with her hands on her hips.

Harry gave the same small pop that Ron gave and turned human. The muffins gasped and charged. "EEEK!" squeaked Harry. "EEEK!" squeaked Em. "EEEK!" squeaked Ron, who just happened to be there. "EEEK!" squeaked Ginny. "EEEK!" squeaked Hermione. "EEEK!" squeaked Voldemort, who had appeared over Hermione's shoulder. "EEEK!" squeaked Marina, who had come with Ron. "EEEK!" squeaked the ghost of Draco Malfoy. "EEEK!" squeaked a carnivorous deer. "EEEK!" squeaked Scabbers, who had seen the carnivorous deer looking at him hungrily. "EEEK!" squeaked Gertrude, who had discovered that the muffins wore bowties. "YAY!" said the muffins, who had seen that they had scared everyone into saying 'EEEK!'.

On top of the tallest duck statue, a tiny figure stood. It was holding a megaphone. Its red eyes shone out through the darkness of mid-afternoon (WAY too much air pollution from all this construction and smoke). When the smoke cleared, everyone in the circle of muffins gasped. It was Billingsworth, the fluffy little toy duck. He laughed evilly. "BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A great flapping of wings sounded, and Norbert appeared in the skies behind the fluffy ducky. Norbert needed somewhere impressive to land, and Hagrid directed him to the tallest Duck statue, not seeing the plush toy standing there.

Billingsworth looked up, and seeing the massive dragon's foot approaching faster than a speeding bullet, said, "BLARG!!!! I AM DEAD!!!!!!" and Billingsworth the little fluffy plush toy duck with tiny black eyebrows and no visible way of walking, was squished flat and died. The muffins, seeing that their leader was no more, shrank and became normal, law-abiding muffins once more. The showers had real water again, and the Polaris motored around cleaning up the muffin crumbs, duck statues, and general ducky mess. Everyone was happy again, and returned to their dormitories, where they found an entire army of Viking ants waiting for them...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Polaris- a small vacuum cleaner for the bottom of swimming pools with a long tail and a filter bag to carry its catch of leaves and dirt.

Carnivorous deer- a small, deer like creature with antlers and fangs. Two feet tall they live in Asia and enjoy eating small rodents in their spare time. (Yes, this is a very real animal. Look it up if you don't believe us. :p)

**If our lovely, sweet, kind readers would be so nice as to review, they get a cookie. Not evil cookies, but NICE cookies. ****From the dark side, where Em is the Dark Lord and Marina her loyal Death Eater.**** One of many... MUAHAHA! Anyways, any reviews will speed up the process for the next segment, so if you have any ideas they would be greatly appreciated. **

**So, sleep tight! Don't let the muffins bite!**

**-Em and Marina aka The Dark Lord and Death Eater**


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